Sixteen

When the clock reads 10:18

and the lonely smile is still stretched across your face.
and the world seems to question where you've been.
and you cant forget this adolescent place.
When the moment seems to come, and wistfully passes.
And the only thing you want flies by.
And you reach for it, fragile as a million glasses.
And watch it disappear into the sky.

When the heat of the sun can’t compare to heat within you
And you wish you could forget this abhorrent feeling.
When you have to question the loyalty of two
And, can’t they see they’re so revealing.
When the one can’t see, from him, your heart is healing.
So he rips and tears it more, unfeeling.
And you are left to beg for mercy, kneeling.
But he ignores you and just takes more, stealing.
 

When enclosed spaces and awkward silence sitting.

And what did I do wrongs and much confusion.

And are you just another thing he’s quitting?

Caught up in this enamoring illusion

And in this web of lies you seem embedded.

But you still look at him with hopeful eyes

To prove them wrong and not do what you dreaded

And it’s to one of you, but whom? he lies.

He hides his secrets while lying by your side.

Sharing a blanket, appearing you two abed.

He seems so happy, something must have died.

A little spark of truth inside him, fled.

And then he leaves without a gentle kiss

Or a moonstruck text that simply says, “Come back.”

And friends tell you his hopeless words you missed

And suddenly your special day turns black.

So here’s when 11:11 wishes don’t work.

And “starlight star bright” burns out.

When shooting stars only make it hurt.

And birthday candle wishes seem to doubt.

Look to your Savoir, he will bring you comfort and peace.

There is reason, there is no incidence

Your Heavenly Father’s care and love will never cease.

It’s hard, but there is reason. Never just coincidence



I imagine things

The moment your world crashes around you, is the moment you don't realize it.

you hear it, the truth.

but you don't know it at first. 

denial. 

The most beautifully ignorant word in the English language.

Then it begins to phase you, the truth does.

you begin to think of all the possible situations. 

and what could lead to what.

If it's a text, you read it a million times.

If it was words or actions, you remember it a million times.

and then you get that weird, odd feeling.

Where your whole body gets cold and shivers, but seems scalding hot inside, at the same exact time.

You get goose bumps.

You get that feeling that most people get while riding the tower of terror. 

Free falling for 13 stories.

like you're going to throw up your own stomach.

Then it feels like some monstrous creature is inside of you, ripping at your heart, angry and jealous and wishing so badly that it could cry.

Taking it all out on your poor fragile heart.
You feel hopless.
Like floating in the air, just waiting to fall.
Knowing it will come, inevitably.
and you're never good enough.
No matter what you do or try to accomplish.
There comes a time where people get to used to you.
take you for granted.
want something different.
something more.
not you.
and you're just never enough.